I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
