Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So much Jack, so little girl.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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