hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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