This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
