i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize