Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I AM VODKA MAN
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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