So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
