so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
