the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Acid is not a monday night drug
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
