I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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