you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
