I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
