It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
