Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
