Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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