Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
this boner is exhausting
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
