My Higher Power is John Stamos
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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