I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
