"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
