1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
