2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
