I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
