isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
