singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
