Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
