what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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