please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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