I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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