Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
