Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
