She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
