I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
