Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
