There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
