i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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