His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Randomize
