Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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