I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
