i just google imaged poop.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
