Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
