i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
