woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Mom said you looked used
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize