i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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