Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
