she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
