im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
