If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize