it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
