i jhust puked up my retainher.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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