mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
