bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
