I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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