You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
