Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
