I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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