I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
