I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
