whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
