just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
