and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
