but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
