i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
