we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize