i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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