Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize