Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize