He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
