Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
