why didn't you poke me back
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
NoShamevember. You game?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize