Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize