i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
