He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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