everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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